the myth. the legend.

i am not afraid to admit that i was once scared of bigfoot. to the point i was paralyzed with fear at the mere mention of his name. it didn't help that debbie, one of the neighbor kids, reminded me several times that we lived in front of the woods. and that's where bigfoot lives. the woods. hell, she was probably the one who told me about bigfoot in the first place. i had nighmares about bigfoot. in 1980, we travelled to the seattle area to watch the mcardle softball team play in the world tournament. my parents neglected to inform me that the seattle area is prime bigfoot spotting country. it's a good thing. i would not have gone with them. it was bad enough i had to fly there. in an airplane. and add bigfoot on top of that. i still can remember seeing huge banners advertising that bigfoot had been spotted here. fast-forward about sixteen years. i was in college. at central michigan university. i had transferred from ferris. i think i was on the six year plan. anyway, i met up with some nice girls and we lived in chip village. now, chip village wasn't a normal apartment building. they were three story condos but the units were connected on their sides. i think there were four banks of ten units. each unit had the living space and kitchen on the first floor and then the second floor had three bedrooms and the third floor had the remaining two bedrooms. anyway, during the summers, roommates would go back home and some would stay. the ones that left usually had to sublet their rooms so they weren't paying rent while they were away. the first summer i was there someone was renting their room out to a hua huang. she was the one that had a girl call all frantic because hua bought a car from her. it wasn't that she bought the car. it was the fact the cashier's check was made out as $13.50. not $1,350. so, you get that she is asian. during the same summer, i woke up in the middle of the night one night. i had to go pee. and ever since i was little i always turned the light on before i went back in my bedroom after going pee. always. you know, to make sure bigfoot wasn't there. this particular night on my way back from the bathroom i decided i would not turn the light on. i was twenty-two years old and i no longer needed to turn the light on. as i got into bed and pulled the covers over my head i felt fur. i felt fur across my face. no sooner did i pull the covers up, i pulled them back off and ran for the lights. there, in my bed was an effing cat. we did not have a cat. my bedroom was on the second floor. i cannot tell you how fast my heart was beating. but i almost had a heart attack. my window was not open. i had no idea how in the hell that cat got into my room. and furthermore, how i could have picked that very night to not turn the light back on in my bedroom. after i made sure there was an actual cat in my room i went downstairs. and there by the door was an animal carrier. with a sticker that read 'live animal'. i immediately came to the disgusted conclusion that yes, they do, in fact, eat cats. i went back upstairs to my bedroom. i was wondering how hua huang was going to kill this thing. and eat it for her next meal. when i went downstairs later that morning one of my other roommates was on the couch. she was sitting there. with that effing cat. it was her boyfriend's cat that was staying the weekend. after that night i have never again turned the light on. amazingly.

the tangled web she weaves

the man in the moon, continued

tuesday night my husband came home from work. and tells the kids there is a big moon. we can't see it from our backyard. so we walk to the end of the street. will wants to hold it. and he gets mad that we can't go touch it. we finally persuade will to come back home. and by the time we get there he will be able to see the moon from inside his bedroom.

will (looking out his window. looking up at the moon): look at the moon! he's taller than me! he's taller than daddy. it's a harvest moon!

the man in the moon

monday night will was eating a late dinner. i was looking for the moon. and this was the conversation.

will: where's the moon?

husband: it's up there (pointing out the window).

will: you can even see him in the dark!

husband: now it's going behind the clouds.

will: there he goes. he's playing hide and seek.

husband: it's out again.

will: there he goes again. he's going to his house. he's must be tired. it's time for him to go night, night. in his new house.

husband: his new house?

will: yeah. where's mommy moon? she's cooking mac and cheese for him.

husband: oh, that's good, huh?

will: uh, huh.

will: he's tired. it's time for him to go to bed. where's his blanket?

will finished the conversation by singing rock-a-bye baby to the moon.

priceless.

we'll be back

with more great shtuff. damn. i miss the gong show. when it came on my dad, sister and i would watch it. every. time. my mom would go and hide in our little bathroom. with a book. she still can't stand the thought of it.

birds of a feather

this summer we grilled out. a lot. one of the times my husband walked in from the patio and announced that the chicken was done. sophie yelled, 'woof! woof!' well, at least she knew it made a noise.

slam dunk

gran comes up with some great ideas. this one. not so much. we had added a piece of furniture to will's room this weekend which prompted us to move some other items around. my mom suggested something she saw in a magazine article once. i thought it was an awesome idea. a woman had three boys and their clothes never ended up in the dirty laundry basket. her solution was to hang a basketball hoop on the wall and place the laundry basket underneath. she never had to pick up dirty laundry off the floor again. brilliant. until yesterday. we put will's laundry basket underneath his basketball hoop. we took out some dirty laundry and showed him how to throw them through the hoop. he had a great time. he laughed and laughed. later, it was time for a nap. and this is what we found when we opened his door. will had no pants on. because they were on their way into the laundry basket. not so brilliant after all.