an open letter

dear dog the bounty hunter's wife:

would it hurt to buy just one size bigger. i mean really.

thanks

peas out

we got a catalog the other day. from gurney's seed and nursery. sophie decided she wanted some peas. off of the front cover. funny. she doesn't seem to eat them off of her plate.

sucker punch

will was in playing with his train. on his bed. it makes the best for a track these days. he has been sucking his thumb during the day lately. i am not too excited about this. as he was pushing his train around the track we had this conversation:

me: why are you sucking your thumb?

will: because it tastes good.

me: well, only little boys suck their thumbs. and you're a big boy now, right?

will: weeeeeeeell, edward [an engine from thomas the train. that does not have arms. and never did.] used to suck his thumb. [pause] when he was little. [pause] and had arms.

zinger

last night my husband was on one couch. i was on the other. the kids were both in bed.

my husband: i'm horny.

me: you'll get over it.

he loves me, he loves me not

the other night my husband came home after work. he was giving will a ride on his shoulders. they stopped in front of me.

will: i love you, momma.

me: oh, i love you too, buddy.

will: but not every day.

what he said

this is a conversation i had with my dad. in the basement. when he was here last week.

dad [after telling him our surround sound wasn't working upstairs. and we needed to figure out what was wrong with it]: how the hell does around sound break?

me: it's surround sound, dad.

dad: i bought around sound once. your mother didn't like it.

do over

i don't even remember what day this even happened. all i know is that it was the worst pain i have felt. ever. even if i was in labor and had a kidney stone. at the same time. i would know. i have had both. but never together. i think it was a week ago. or so. i had a pain in my abdomen. one like i have never felt before. and it kept getting worse. to the point i couldn't stand it. and i have a high threshold for pain. my abdomen was so full. of what i didn't know. and there was a sharp pain on my lower left side. that didn't go away. i couldn't even bend over. or even think about bending over. so, i went to my doctor the next day. she was uncertain. she sent me to the hospital for an x-ray. and i am not sure if it was because every step i took i wanted to die. or every time i got in and out of the car i wanted it to run me over. but it must have been pick a technician off the street day at the hospital. the blood technician had someone in the room with her. to make sure she was doing it right. i wasn't in the mood. the guy that came to take me in for the x-ray must have had a stroke. and he was the one that knew more than the guy preparing me for the x-ray itself. i wasn't in the mood. the last time i felt anywhere near this was when i had a compacted colon after sophie was born. the x-ray came back clean. my doctor thought i may have a cyst on my ovary. funny. my sister just had one a few months ago. but my doctor wasn't sure. so, she wanted me to wait until thursday to come back in if i was still in pain. it was tuesday. if i was still in that much pain by thursday i would have jammed a screwdriver in my abdomen. but later in the day wednesday the pain was slowly dissipating and eventually came to a dull roar by thursday afternoon. and then just went away. so let's try this again. see you tomorrow.