recycle reuse regift

if you know me, you know i like to repurpose. be it a butter churn handle i picked up at an antique show and use for a toilet paper holder. or an old, beaten up ladder i use for a magazine rack. so when it comes to re-gifting i'm all for it. i've done it. i'm sure i've been a recipient [you know who you are, mom]. so, we're stuck down here ten miles south of common sense with nothing to do most days. we buy maps. still can't figure out where to go. or how to get there. a few months ago i happened upon a page on facebook. three hundred sixty-five things to do in michiana. i couldn't imagine there being that many but i thought it sounded like a great page. each day features a local business. and a link. recently, the page started giveaways. the one day i happened to catch the giveaway. they wanted to know what business was featured on a certain day. i scrolled down as fast as i could and found it. sweet. five guys and fries. we tried to go there once. it's at the mall. i'll have to tell you about that later. it's a long story. anyway, i was the first person to respond. i won us a twenty-five dollar gift certificate. i have the gift certificate mailed to my husband at work. you can never be too safe these days. even though the guy that runs the page is a realtor. my husband came home with the prize on friday. i took it. flipped it over and read the following on the back of the gift card sleeve: to: barry from: mom and dad. i. almost. peed. my. pants. i'm sure he would be mortified. i'll just be thankful for a free lunch.

mind your manners

thing one had his four year checkup today. i told him a few days ago he would have to go. because if he didn't he wouldn't be able to go to preschool. and he really wants to go to preschool. bad. so he agreed. but only if it was a little checkup. i am pretty sure after he thought about it he realized he would have to get a shot. or two. and if it was only a little checkup, in his mind, that would not include a shot. so, i agreed it would be a little checkup. and said nothing further. he was fine on the way to the doctor's office this morning. until we got in the examing room. and then i could tell he was getting a little nervous. just staring at the table with the white paper. we all know what happens on the table with the white paper. he got through the height and weight thing just fine. then the nurse practioner came in to do his thing. he was really good with thing one. thing one did everything he asked. except for when it was time to get up on the table. with the white paper. it wasn't shot time. but thing one was very apprehensive at this point. after he was checked from head to toe there was a look of relief on his face when thing one was told he could get off of the table. with the white paper. without getting a shot. i got him dressed only because i didn't want him to figure out the shots were coming next. and freak out. so, after a few minutes, in come the shots. and thing one got back on the table. with the white paper. with no problem. since his last experience on the table with the white paper wasn't so bad afterall. he laid down. i was holding his hands. and one of the nurse's assistants had his feet. thing one picked out his own bandaids. instructing the nurse which color to place on which leg. yellow on the left. orange on the right. life was good. until the first shot went in. legs kicking. thing one screaming. lifting his head checking the entire time to make sure the nurse followed his instructions and got the correct color bandaid on the correct leg. then the second shot went in. through all the kicking. and screaming. and crying. will looked up at the nurse and says: thank you!

what she said

so last night i was at kohl's. got a thirty percent off. oh yeah. anyway, i was in the bath section. looking for those metal caddies you put over your showerhead. and a lady and her husband were next to me. i wasn't paying attention to their conversation until the lady said this:

'well, we don't have hard water in our bathroom. do we?'

i stopped dead in my tracks. as the crickets sounded. i'm pretty sure if you have hard water somewhere in your house the entire house would have hard water. here's your stupid ticket. have a nice day.

this year's christmas song

to which my husband's ninety-three year old gramma said, and i quote, 'got your lovely little ditty! you are something else. is that all you do is sit around and make up those wise sayings? ha!' yes i do. and in case you missed the song...

a few of the ‘burg’s eventful things
[sing to the tune of a few of my favorite things. you know you all have an inner maria. begging to get out.]

new bitchy neighbors with a huge barking dog
when she craps in our yard – it’s big as a log
gunshots at daybreak and freight trains again
this is what happened in two thousand ten

thirteen yards of dirt with eight tons of rock
complete with a six foot tall fence that can block
backyard finished to enjoy once again
this is what happened in two thousand ten

sophie has turned two and will is turning four
we went to lambeau but lions still can’t score
flew out to tucson for a long weekend
this is what happened in two thousand ten

potty training
is in full swing
and I’m feeling glad

we still cannot believe we really moved here
thank god we can still get beer

[repeat all]

brought to you by

this entry is brought to you by the letters w. and t. and f. as in what. the. and fuck. yesterday morning i went to throw something in the kitchen garbage. but i couldn't. because this is what i found. a full can. only because for the 3,792,636th time i have found an empty box. not broken down. in the garbage. yesterday was a bonus. there were two.

plowed

as you recall, the county plow [and i use that term loosely] knocked our mailbox off the post about a minute and a half after we moved in two years ago. the mailbox that cost seventy dollars. and that almost got me divorced. last week before it snowed my husband placed orange marker sticks on the edge of the road. and in front of the mailbox. so what was left of it wouldn't get hit. again. a few days after he placed the sticks it snowed. and the plow came down our street. now, this driver either runs into your house or is seven feet from the edge of the road. on any give day. and it varies as he travels down the street. after the first run i looked out and notice he hit an orange marker. just the first one. it lay broken. in a pile of snow. later in the day, i went to run errands. upon my return i noticed that plowed guy ran up into the lawn of the house on our corner. about ten feet. not once. not twice. but three times. in three different places. and after that he ran into one of our good neighbor's yards three feet in before then running over our first orange marker. i'm not sure why it's so difficult to operate this tractor with a plow. i mean, look at how straight a farmer can plow a field. maybe he just needs a bigger tractor. or hire a farmer. in the off season.

quote of the day

upon receiving a birthday card and gift certificate to toys r us from will's aunt, uncle and cousins will placed all of his scooby doo stickers that came with his card. on himself. and then asked:

'can we go to toys are on us now?'