play by play

here is a brief description of my afternoon. a short span of time ten miles south of common sense. at approximately 1:26 pm i pulled into the gas station. at wal-marts. thing two and i had to pick a few things up at the store while thing one was at school. and wal-marts was the closest. and they had gas. as i pulled into the gas station i noticed that there were lines of cars. like two and three deep at the pumps. great. upon closer look i noticed that there were three pumps open on the opposite sides of where these cars were lined up to get gas. so i pull around. pull up to the opposite side of the pump. and pump my gas. here's a newsflash. you can actually pull around to the opposite side of the pump. and your gas tank will also be on that opposite side. cue sound of crickets. i then proceed into the wal-marts parking lot. at approximately 1:34 pm. with caution. i am going the correct direction to park in the particular lane i chose. when i see a crown victoria headed directly towards me. in the middle of the lane. against the grain. i swerve. we safely make it into the store. it didn't matter which aisle we went down. everyone was cutting in front of us. with no mention of the words excuse me. and they were driving their carts on the left side of the aisle. everywhere. so i spent the rest of the time trying to figure out how we ended up in england. at approximately 2:05 pm we loaded our bags into the van. and started to back out. but not before some jackhole pulled out in back of us. and you guessed it. against the grain. nearly rear ending us. from the front. at this point we were still a little early to pick up thing one so we took a little drive. nice fall day. until the ups truck decides to pull off on the side of the road. facing us on the opposite shoulder. and some other jackhole pulls out from behind the ups truck to pass. leaving me to throw on the brakes. so that i can let him pass. because i had the right of way and all. i saved the best for last. at approximately 3:40 pm i got behind a slow driver. no, they were not going the speed limit. they were about twenty miles per hour under. it was a black honda civic. coupe. they were weaving all over the road too. so we get to a four way stop. and there was a car on the left that stopped slightly after the civic stopped. so we just sat there. for what seemed like hours. because the gal in the civic was trying to wave the other car through. but the other car couldn't see her. because her windows were so tinted you couldn't see through them. at approximately 3:56 pm i pulled into our garage. at approximately 3:58 pm i opened a bottle of wine. at approximately 3:59 pm i finished that bottle of wine. and that was just the afternoon. cheery ho.