here's your sign

you might be a redneck engineer if... this gem was found at a mcdonald's. in kokomo indiana.

check that

it's not a one time incident. i hope my husband gets home. sooner rather than later. i'm sure glad he enjoyed that flyers game. and i was so looked forward to this morning. it's a preschool morning. don't you know.

since you've been gone

monday morning my husband left for a business trip. by eleven o'clock in the morning thing two had gotten a dvd stuck in the dvd player. sometimes i just don't have it in me for one more argument. so i let her put the dvd in. and spent the next half an hour removing the player's cover. and getting it unstuck. but she didn't need to know it was fixed. by one o'clock in the afternoon there was a small flood. in the downstairs bathroom. now, i can't scold either one of them. they were washing their hands. after going to the bathroom. however, when i went downstairs because they had to 'show me something' i had no idea. their step stool was up to the sink. and there was a half a bowl of water. because they put the stopper down. the other half was on the counter. and puddled in the drawers. beneath the sink. after i soaked up all the water i called the plumber. to fix the broken seal. it's a vessel bowl. guess who's getting a new sink? later that evening we have tantrum 2,925. tuesday morning i wake from a restful night. surprisingly. it's going to be a great day. until the children woke up. the tantrums and hitting are all. day. long. thank god for my good neighbors. mr. good neighbor is going to watch the evil spawn while mrs. good neighbor and i are going for a walk. i then learn that there were burglars in the neighborhood early that morning. great. when we get home from walking i get the kids to bed. i finally fall asleep. out of pure exhaustion. listening to every. single. noise. like the furnace burglar. and heat duct burglar. and sump pump burglar. and then making sure that all outside lights are on. including several in the house. so it's now three-thirty in the morning. i hear something out in the living room. it's not the furnace burglar. or the heat duct burglar. or even the sump pump burglar. i freak out at first. because, you know. it's the burglar. i hear tinkering. i wake up a little bit more. get brave. and stand up to peer out my door. i thought i would find the burglar. or thing one. at the very least. instead i see just a book. seemingly in the air. turning the pages all by itself. upon further investigation, it's thing two. laying down sideways in the chair. i can now hear her whisper reading a book. over my rapidly beating heart attack. i stand there for a few minutes. watching her. until i catch her eye. i was ready. to unleash my first tirade of the very early day.

thing two [looking over at me with her sweet little face]: 'mom, i went poop. it's all over my hand.'
me: 'what?!'

so, i take her in the bathroom. only to find she had already been in there. because 4,936 clean wipes were already in the toilet.

thing two: 'i wiped my hands already.'

oh, really? whatever. so, much to my surprise, she had this very smelly pull-up to which she told me was waiting for me to get up. so she could change it. well, that was thoughtful. i really hope this is a one time incident. because that would just make my day. and it's only three hours into a new one.

here's your sign

just in case

you can find me on facebook too. in case you were that bored.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Ten-miles-South-of-common-sense/131675526886412?sk=info

recycle reuse regift

if you know me, you know i like to repurpose. be it a butter churn handle i picked up at an antique show and use for a toilet paper holder. or an old, beaten up ladder i use for a magazine rack. so when it comes to re-gifting i'm all for it. i've done it. i'm sure i've been a recipient [you know who you are, mom]. so, we're stuck down here ten miles south of common sense with nothing to do most days. we buy maps. still can't figure out where to go. or how to get there. a few months ago i happened upon a page on facebook. three hundred sixty-five things to do in michiana. i couldn't imagine there being that many but i thought it sounded like a great page. each day features a local business. and a link. recently, the page started giveaways. the one day i happened to catch the giveaway. they wanted to know what business was featured on a certain day. i scrolled down as fast as i could and found it. sweet. five guys and fries. we tried to go there once. it's at the mall. i'll have to tell you about that later. it's a long story. anyway, i was the first person to respond. i won us a twenty-five dollar gift certificate. i have the gift certificate mailed to my husband at work. you can never be too safe these days. even though the guy that runs the page is a realtor. my husband came home with the prize on friday. i took it. flipped it over and read the following on the back of the gift card sleeve: to: barry from: mom and dad. i. almost. peed. my. pants. i'm sure he would be mortified. i'll just be thankful for a free lunch.

mind your manners

thing one had his four year checkup today. i told him a few days ago he would have to go. because if he didn't he wouldn't be able to go to preschool. and he really wants to go to preschool. bad. so he agreed. but only if it was a little checkup. i am pretty sure after he thought about it he realized he would have to get a shot. or two. and if it was only a little checkup, in his mind, that would not include a shot. so, i agreed it would be a little checkup. and said nothing further. he was fine on the way to the doctor's office this morning. until we got in the examing room. and then i could tell he was getting a little nervous. just staring at the table with the white paper. we all know what happens on the table with the white paper. he got through the height and weight thing just fine. then the nurse practioner came in to do his thing. he was really good with thing one. thing one did everything he asked. except for when it was time to get up on the table. with the white paper. it wasn't shot time. but thing one was very apprehensive at this point. after he was checked from head to toe there was a look of relief on his face when thing one was told he could get off of the table. with the white paper. without getting a shot. i got him dressed only because i didn't want him to figure out the shots were coming next. and freak out. so, after a few minutes, in come the shots. and thing one got back on the table. with the white paper. with no problem. since his last experience on the table with the white paper wasn't so bad afterall. he laid down. i was holding his hands. and one of the nurse's assistants had his feet. thing one picked out his own bandaids. instructing the nurse which color to place on which leg. yellow on the left. orange on the right. life was good. until the first shot went in. legs kicking. thing one screaming. lifting his head checking the entire time to make sure the nurse followed his instructions and got the correct color bandaid on the correct leg. then the second shot went in. through all the kicking. and screaming. and crying. will looked up at the nurse and says: thank you!