an open letter

dear dvd packaging guy:

please, for the love of god, have you ever tried opening one of your own packages?! first of all, one can never find a loose corner on your outer cellophane wrap. it takes at least seventeen minutes just to pry one loose. and 3,320,931 cuss words. and what seems to be an impossibility of overcoming the urge to gently toss the mother effing dvd across the room. unopened. and if you still have it in your hands when you finally do get a loose corner only two millimeters of cellophane come along with it. the next chunk comes off with ease only to find that it narrows the more you pull it until it breaks off when it hits an edge of the dvd. the last portion of cellophane is easy. it just pulls off of the one end. and after all that you go to open the box. but you can't. because there is a theft deterrent sticker on the top of the box. if you cannot catch me trying to steal the dvd out of the box in the store during the seventeen minutes it takes me to even start to get the cellophane wrapping off you should be fired. furthermore, the tab that is printed pull here should read dig here. and that makes me angry to now have a blemish on my nice, new dvd sleeve because you have to dig at it to start the removal of the theft deterrent tape. and after going through all of that your kid doesn't even like the dvd you bought.

thanks