i've been told

we are all back to ten miles south of common sense. while at gran and grumpa's my son developed a stye in his eye. this morning it looked like it was less red. and swollen. that one was for you, mr. wilson. anyway, i asked will how his eye was doing today. good he says. i asked him if it was sore. he said with irritation in his voice no, momma. and then again. unprompted. a little louder. with a little more irritation in his voice said no, mother. i just don't know where he gets this stuff but i find it is difficult for me not to laugh. right. out. loud.

ticket to ride

i don't mean to get all andy rooney on you people but you ever wonder why airlines now board passengers starting from the front seats back? i mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out. or does it? if you call the passengers in the front part of the plane first it creates a bottleneck. there are people in the aisle trying to stuff bags they should have checked in the first place into the overhead bins. people are taking off their coats. standing in the aisle. for whatever reason. and then you have all of the people seated in the back of the plane waiting in the way too hot, or too cold, terminal gate. well, that's enough to get one irritated. namely, me. so, seat first class, old people and little kids first. and then start with the back of the plane. i just solved why ninety-five percent of all flights don't take off on time. you're welcome.

bye, bye birdy

before we left for arizona a robin decided to start building a nest on our front porch. we knocked it down. she built again. we knocked it down. again. she built it back. again. after we returned we thought for sure there would be a nest again on our front porch. with eggs. nope. she now decided to build her nest on top of our flood light outside of the back porch. we knocked it down. she built. again. we knocked it down. again. she built it back. again. since we no longer even want the house in the first place i wonder if she can get approved for a thirty year mortgage.

five days and counting...loudly

something unexpected happened while we were in arizona. before we left we were in contact with every wire hair rescue group in michigan. illinois. indiana. and ohio. yes. there are that many. because from a suggestion of a friend of a friend someone would have room for him. and i could easily drive him to any of these states. it would be way easier than driving him to the pound. twenty minutes away. we found him a foster home. just outside of chicago. he will wait there until his forever home is found. i have to tell you he seems to be a different dog. a week without kids was like a dream for him. last night he did not bark. once. the neighbors that watched him said he didn't fight with their dog. and he didn't bark at their house either. she offered to drive him to the pound before we left. and before we knew we had a foster home. because she wasn't attached to him. when i walked over to her house last night to pay her and her kids for their services she told me he was such a good dog. so good she wasn't going to be able to take him to the pound now. good thing buster bob found a new home and there is now room for sully at the foster home. i will be driving him to his foster home this saturday. it will be difficult. but it is better for him. and safer for our family. the foster mom said she is not surprised with his behavior. they all bark. and bark. and bark and bark and bark. some of them are good with children and others just aren't. and some seem to have a switch. before kids come along they are fine and after kids, is well, a whole new ballgame. she suggested sully may see our kids as competition. since they came after the dog. therefore, protecting himself and the things he sees belonging to him. it made us feel a little better. knowing we didn't raise a little rat bastard dog.

i once was lost

this morning we had to get up at 3:45 am to make a 5:40 am flight home. although we had packed the night before i suddenly remembered i hadn't seen our car key. for our car at the indianapolis airport. we checked everywhere. we couldn't find it. when my husband travels he normally puts his personal car keys in his laptop bag. since i was there he gave them back to me. to put in my purse. i put them in my coat pocket. i never do that. and i will never do it again. because i couldn't find them. so, i call my mom. because we don't have one of our cars. we have hers. because she took our kids back to midland with her in our van for the week. and our other car decided to stop working the morning we were leaving and it was at the shop. after we landed in denver my mom called with a locksmith number that has 24/7 service. we called. they could apparently make a key while we wait. right there at the car. it would cost less than renting a car and having to drive back to indianapolis with a spare key. barely. he told me the technician would call me when he was on his way. and he would be there at 3:30 pm. well, this was just working out too perfect. because when we landed i turned my phone on and just then it rang. locksmith guy asked me a few questions and said the technician would be out shortly. and he would call me before he got to the airport. the next phone call i received was locksmith lady. now the technician can't get out there so soon. it will be another two hours. she said i may want to call another locksmith. because i have an indianapolis phone book in my purse. i explained my situation further but all i got was the you are going to have to wait two hours. if that were me on the other end i would have opened up a phone book and provided some additional numbers. it's called customer service. so, we got our bags from the baggage claim. thankfully, not cut in front of at this airport. and i opened my bag one more time. to check my coat pockets. and there was the key. i must have missed it in the wee hours of the morning. at least we know that if you lose your keys a said locksmith can make you a new one. while you wait. even at the airport. but you have to wait. and wait. we got the call from the technician. finally. at seven o'clock. while we were pulling out of the bank. in edwardsburg. michigan. in our own car.

you say tomato

while we were out in arizona we rented a garmin navigation system. they are quite helpful. except when she isn't quite up to the same speed and you miss a turn. and then while cussing her out your husband misses the turn. again. because he can't hear her over his cussing. i found it odd that he even chose the girl voice in the first place. he never listens to me. so why would he listen to her? our last day was spent checking out hotels for our next trip. we are returning at the end of june. with the kids. so great gram will be able to meet them. and provide an entire month's worth of blog material. if it doesn't kill me. on our way to our second hotel pick the garmin lady, aka dumb bitch, told us to turn left. in point two miles. at la conyahda. well, we didn't know how to spell that street. so we didn't have a visual. and neither one of us can see street signs anyway. because we both need glasses. and don't make time to get them. so, we come up to the street we are supposed to turn on. it reads la canada. we immediately bust out laughing. it's la canada, alright. who puts a tilde on canada anyway, eh?

pie in the sky

today was our last day to spend with gram before we left town. now the last you heard about gram, my husband's gramma, was that she made the best pies in the land. and i didn't put enough love in mine. so, we set out to show me exactly how much love to put in these pies. we started from scratch. with the crust. now, gram puts the amount of water in by touch. well, it had been awhile since she made a pie. we had water on the floor, flour in our hair and a dough that didn't look quite right. and i know you are wondering about the love. the love is the butter flavor crisco. it's not a level cup. it's a heaping cup of love. gram said we were making half-assed pies. yes. it surprised us too. but boy did we laugh. and laugh. and laugh. we laughed so hard we cried. and snorted. they may not have been pretty but we baked those pies. we made one pecan. and one lemon. the lemon didn't have any meringue. gram dropped one egg on the floor. and my husband broke the yolk of the other. and we, of course, only had two eggs in the fridge. the pies were actually good. and the crust, to our surprise, was nice and flaky. just like us.