slip of the tongue

back when i was younger i couldn't keep a secret. now that i'm older, well, i still have a difficult time. now, i am not talking things that are said in confidence. i am talking presents. gifts. things you buy that you are so excited about. you just can hardly contain yourself. back in my babysitting days a family that I sat for had two young children at the time. the older of the two was just able to talk. so, one day her mom had gone to the local art fair. and purchased a gift for her husband. when she got home she showed it to me. it was a beautiful wooden cutting board. and when her little girl asked her what it was the mom told her it was a hockey puck. brilliant. that must have been over twenty years ago. and i am thinking my mom could have used that line with me. a few times. i can't remember how old i was but my mom had orchestrated this grand scheme, back in the day, to get hbo hooked up at our house for one of my dad's christmas presents without my dad knowing anything about it. i am pretty sure she had to take some time off work. a couple of times. for the thing to finally get hooked up. you know, the tan box. with the black slide buttons on top. with no remote. seriously. so, christmas eve finally arrives with much anticipation. we are all opening gifts. one person at a time. it's my dad's turn. he opens up a box. it's a sweater. and out of my mouth comes, 'oh. i thought it was hbo.' nope. not that box. i really did think it was hbo. and i really did think my mom was going to kill me. and you can bet every year after that when someone opens a box the phrase 'i thought it was hbo' comes out. at some point. every. single. year. after. now, fast forward thirty some years. my mom's birthday is in september. earlier in the summer i had bought my mom a hose reel basket that she had admired at a local store for her birthday. i had it sitting on top of the freezer in the garage to keep it out of the way. one weekend my mom had come down to visit. one night we were all getting in the car to go for ice cream. as we all loaded in my son yells, 'look, gran! your present!' i immediately asked will if he remembered that the gift was supposed to be for gran's birthday. next month. without hesitation will yells, 'surprise!' and i thought it was hbo.

heaven sent

earlier this week the good neighbor and i, along with the kids, drove to grand rapids. to do some goodwill shopping. they have the best goodwill stores. unbelievably good. not just the stuff in the stores. but the stores themselves. they are like department stores. all of their clothes are sorted by size. each kind of clothing is marked the same price. and i have only found a few items that have had a stain. or have been ripped. and i have been going there for years. and they don't even staple a price tag in their beautifully donated clothing either. imagine that. anyway, we had gone to one goodwill, had eaten lunch at real food cafe and then we were off to another goodwill. while we were there will was in my cart and sophie was in the good neighbor's cart. as i rounded the corner in the housewares aisle there was an older lady reaching for a cookie jar that was a snowman next to a christmas tree. will's eyes lit up in delight as she pulled the top off of the christmas tree part. we exchanged pleasantries with the lady. i said to will that it looked like the cookie jar found a nice new home as she placed the cookie jar into her cart. will had agreed that yes it had. so, we continued to look around the store. we checked out each others treasures. took sophie to the bathroom. three times. and as the good neighbor and i met up again i noticed an employee standing next to my cart. i apologized. as i thought i was in her way. she had, in her hands, a wrapped item in a tied goodwill bag. she told me there was no need to apologize. i wasn't in her way. she was there to give me this bag. a customer [the older lady] told her she saw the light in my son's eyes when she took the lid off of this cookie jar. she bought it. and wanted him to have it. and disappeared. without a trace.

in the dark

will woke up one morning this week. and he was annoyed. as i was sitting on the couch, he came bursting out of his room. looked at me and said, 'will you turn that light off?! i am trying to sleep! i am waiting for the sun to come up.' i wouldn't have found this so amusing if he didn't sleep with his overhead light on. all. night. long.

an open letter

dear hellmann's:

if people eat real mayonnaise i highly doubt they give two shakes that you use cage free eggs in your product. but thanks for noting it on your label. i'm just saying.

thanks