road trip

warning: this post may contain offensive language. more offensive than usual. hence the warning.

tonight we headed back home. for my husband's high school class reunion. i was looking forward to it. after planning my own high school reunion last year i could actually sit back and enjoy myself. or so i thought. we left our house after my husband got out of work. knowing, scratch that, dreading the fact that we had to stop with thing one and two for dinner on the way. they always want to stop at mcdonalds. we do not. especially after seeing the youtube video on how chicken mcnuggets are made last week. but that's for another time. we didn't tell them ahead of time. to prepare them. and we paid. let's just say they were total assholes. so much so that we changed their names from thing one and thing two to asshole one and asshole two. after what seemed like five hours at applebee's. and fifty-seven minutes. we left the restaurant. with the assholes. and headed the rest of the way home. until we got pulled over. for speeding. usually, when you see a cop, you slow down. nope. not asshole three. he keeps on speeding. the nice officer just gave us a warning. but not before he had to write us up for not having a current certificate of insurance. in the car. enter asshole four. we finally made it to my parents' house. after what seemed like a day. and a half. there were two nights of reunion festivities planned. the first night we headed out to dinner with the barnyards. before enjoying a loon's baseball game. the second night was the big shindig. and lots more. and by lots more i mean crazy mother fuckers. every time my husband, who was now well on his way to alcohol poisoning, would introduce me to another of his former classmates they were crazy mother fuckers. all of them. 'now this guy, this guy, here, was a crazy mother fucker, right here'. all. night. long. until we got home. at four am. now, this wouldn't be all that bad. but we had to leave at seven am. so we could make it back home. for asshole one's first ever birthday party that he was invited to. that sunday. and there was no way we were missing it. so, after staying up until four am, with all of the crazy mother fuckers, i had to pack everything. including the car. while the crazy mother fucker-er lay in bed. until the very. last. second. and i thought the trip over was bad. i'm just glad these things only happen once every twenty years.