tricked

i thought that watching halloween episodes and reading books about trick or treating would warm the kids up to the idea of getting dressed up and tooling aroung the neighborhood for candy. it did not. sophie was game. from the word go. will on the other hand was not excited at all. until we got back home. sophie went up to each door with me to say 'tick a teat' and 'tang you'. will just sat in the wagon. turned his head. and slouched in the wagon. it was cold. and windy. sophie wanted to wear her costume. will did not. we did get him to at least put his dog blanket on. it kept him warm if nothing else. as we pulled the wagon back into our driveway will decided to get out. they both approached the sidewalk cautiously. i told them that is was okay. it's our house. and then gran opened the door. after they got their candy we kept the door open. will started to yell 'trick or treat' to all the kids on the street. he had a piece of candy in his hand standing on the threshold waiting for the next visitor. had we known that we just would have stayed home. he had a blast. in the comfort of his own home. we had eighty-eight kids in less than an hour. we ran out of candy. it wasn't even seven o'clock. and it was freezing. we even started to give them will and sophie's candy they had just gathered. it's funny. they didn't understand what they had been asking for. or what they received. or what they were then giving away. they have never eaten candy. somehow, i don't think next year they will be so giving.

flipped

i am not sure who came up with the idea for flip tops on tubes. of anything. brilliant. if anyone deserves the nobel peace prize it's this person. i mean, seriously. anything that allows you to do something with one hand instead of two is ingenious. i believe it started with toothpaste. before this invention i don't think one person screwed that cap back on the tube. i guess it's all in what you get used to using. and when i buy things that you have to squeeze out of a tube i now just assume the manufacturer has added this convenience to it's product. you know, as a courtesy. not desitin. when the kids were both we bought them both a huge tub of desitin. and left the cap off of the tub. will is turning three in december. i am hoping for a christmas miracle and he will actually start using the potty. anyway, we just ran out of that tub of desitin. and he is almost three. and i complained at the price when we initially bought it. silly me. knowing that it lasts that long i bought a tube of it instead. as i am sure once will starts on the potty sophie will follow. and she won't need the desitin either. at least not that much. and thank god. because apparently, desitin hasn't caught on to the whole flip top convenience thing. i am patiently waiting for my toothpaste to run out. so i can see if that flip top with fit. until then i will leave the cap off.

oh yes, they call him the streak

bath night is nothing but fun at our house. both kids would take one every night. if we had the energy. so, it's every other night. while dad runs the bath water the kids get undressed. and then the fun begins. after the diapers come off it's a marathon. of nakedness. will runs around and around the kitchen and living room with sophie not far behind. and i have to put my two cents in. so, when they start to run i appropriately yell, 'streaker! streaker!' all the while they are running. one afternoon this week, will and sophie were running back and forth between their rooms and will started to yell, 'leaker! leaker!' and laughing hysterically. they were fully clothed. if you were wondering. i chuckled. and explained to will the correct word. he continued, 'leaker! leaker!' and continued to laugh hysterically. later that day, in the evening, it was bath time. same thing. as he rounded the corner of the kitchen, 'leaker! leaker!' he yelled. and laughing hysterically. and then off for a bath. after they got their jammies on will walked out in the kitchen. he looks up and says, 'i peed.' well, sure enough. he did. i guess he really is a leaker.

speechless

this summer i had a garage sale. i had a ton leftover. apparently, no one wanted beautiful clean clothes for fifty cents a piece. or any toys that were marked mostly a quarter. but it's a good thing. moho is having her first baby. and it's a boy. and due in december. just like will. i was more than ecstatic to hand over will's clothes to moho rather than to drop them off at our goodwill store that is so disgusting i refuse to go in it any longer. anyway, since i had a bunch of sophie's clothes left and toys i decided to list them on craig's list. i have had great success using this service in the past. and it's free. so, i get an email friday night regarding the toy portion of the ad. this lady says she is poor and barely has any toys for her six month old daughter. she wanted to know what i had to offer. i told her. then she wanted a picture. i did happen to have one from the garage sale ad i placed so i sent her the picture. she then asked if i still had all the toys in the photo. i told her yes. because i hadn't hardly sold any. i will note that the dollar amount of these toys was probably well over $250. easy. she then writes and asks how much for all of the toys. now, she said she was poor. and now she is asking how much for all of them. i didn't give in to the fact she may or may not be poor. she has internet for crying out loud. she can't be that poor. i wanted them out of my garage. i didn't want to give them to the awful goodwill. and she wants them all. i tell her $25 for all. she asks if i will take $20. i said no thinking i was giving them away at $25. she decides she will take them. duh. and pick them up saturday. since my garage sale this summer i have had them stored in brand new plastic tubs in the garage. the morning before she came and picked them up i placed all of the toys in those huge black contractor size garbage bags. two of them. plus, an extra little box. she came to pick them all up. and everything was fine. until i got an email from her the next day. she told me that all of the toys smelled like cigarette smoke. she tried to wash the fabric toys but they still smelled. so she threw them all away. yes, you read that correctly ladies and gentlemen. she threw them all away. i about died. and cried. they were all beautiful soft toys, books and rattles. i then told her that as my ad stated we are a smoke-free home and they could not possibly smell like smoke. she then wrote to say i shouldn't have stored them in the basement because they now smell like mildew. i explained to her that the smell may have been from the new plastic tubs i had them stored in since the garage sale this summer in the garage. and they should be fine once they were washed or aired out. nice try. she also couldn't believe i would endanger her child with such filth because they were also dirty. and that she just wasted her money because she wouldn't feel right even giving these toys to someone else. i was wondering if the toys smelled worse than the van i helped her load them into smelled. it's not like she pulled up to a crack house to buy these items. i can assure you the toys were not dirty. and they certainly did not have mildew on them. there is no chance. and she thinks she wasted her money. even if she kept the plastic toys i gave her those were well worth the $25. there was at least $200 worth of plastic toys. at least. i haven't heard from her again since her last attempt at the mildew fabrication. yet. i had a gut feeling about this person when i read her initial email. kind of like the same gut feeling i had about this house we bought before we signed on the dotted line. i swore next time i had that feeling i would run the other way. and fast. i wish i would listen to myself.

spare me

sunday we went to linton's. it's a nursery. with a petting zoo. and a gift shop. that is to die for. i want to live there. they always offer theme weekends. this weekend was spooktacular. they had treats for kids who came in a costume. or in our case, kids that refused to come in a costume. the petting zoo, of course. a hay bale maze that was totally cool. but it was kind of spooky. and for older kids. it was covered with black plastic on top. so it was nice and dark. we skipped that part. but maybe next year. as we started in the gift store will stopped dead in his tracks. the greeter was wearing a kick ass mad hatter costume. complete with a huge purple hat. she was holding the treats. but apparently will didn't think her costume was so kick ass. we had to take the long way around. avoiding the gift shop at all costs. on to the pumpkin bowling. fifty cents bought you a ticket to bowl as many times as you wanted until the pumpkin busted. all the while listening to the greatest halloween music. ever. now, we explained how to bowl to the kids. we told them you have to roll the pumpkin toward the pins. the next thing you know will is crouched down and carefully rolling the pumpin down the alley with both hands along the ground. hysterical. we did tell him to roll it. and that's just what he did.

not lovin' it

yesterday we had an outing. and on the way there we happened to drive passed a mcdonald's. or five. no doubt will had to notice every. single. one. so, we told him on the way home we would stop so he could play on the slide. the kid never eats while he is there. he just wants the slide. the place is packed. as we were eating we noticed a particularly rowdy group of kids. from the same family. let's see. one had a horribly gross runny nose. another had brought her bag of apple dippers to play on the equipment. and all of them seemed to have lost their socks. and at one point, will came over with a small part to a toy that he had found on the play equipment. somewhere. all sticky. with something. well, the last time i looked there were rules to play on the equipment. must wear socks. no food or drink inside the play area. no toys. and common sense would tell you not to bring your child to a mcdonald's play area if they were sick. especially with the swine flu lurking in every crevice of the universe. i wanted to let that family know the rules are for everyone. not just everyone but them. jackoffs. i also want to send them the bill from my kid's doctor's office. you know i will now be there this week. i wish i would have asked for their address.

here comes santa claus

tuesday morning the kids and i were outside. finally there was sun. and no wind. so, we are out in the backyard. after three rounds in the wagon to walk past the silly ghost on the street behind us. will is playing by himself as usual while i try, really hard, to entertain the destruction diva. as i was helping sophie up on the chair for the 91st time in two minutes will holds up a stick with lots of little branches and proclaims, 'a reindeer antler!' the kid doesn't miss a beat.

fall back

ahhhhh. fall. my favorite season. last weekend we took a little trip to our favorite spot. hensler's nursery. we came upon this little slice of heaven last year. the morning after the worst ice storm in the history of the world. and it was also 983 degrees below zero. but we had to go. they had a santa. last weekend was vintage tractor weekend. and homemade pumpkin icecream. bonus. will's favorite this year was fort hensler made from bales of hay. or is it straw. anyway, sophie met her best friend rudy. the poor guy really wanted to take a nap. he couldn't keep his eyes open. or his head up. but each time sophie went back to talk to him he perked right up. and she kept talking. and talking. and talking. we still can't get will on the horse drawn wagon out to the pumpkin patch. or even buy him a pumpkin for that matter. maybe next year.

peanut gallery

for the last six months or so we have been subjected to a show on pbs called the good night show. it's short cartoon shows with crafts and learning games between each show. they do a nice job. however, it gets old. really old. so my husband and i have resorted to an impromptu mystery science theatre 3000 every night. edwardsburg version. we usually fall victim to the show about seven. i think the entire show runs from six to eight. however, our kids stop watching after a show called pajanimals. sometimes until ear bleeding caillou but then it's time for bed. pajanimals is a muppet puppet jim henson production. it is really cute. there is a horse. a duck. a cow. and a dog. they are usually filmed in their beds but sometimes they wander into their bathroom. they sing one song per show about going to sleep, nighttime rituals or when to get up in the morning and that type of thing. i can thank them for will's new need to now get a drink of water before bed. anyway, last night the song was about what mom does after they go to bed. blah, blah, blah, you are always in her heart. as the song goes. they kept singing about their mom. it begged the question what kind of mom would a horse, duck, cow and dog have? so i asked. out. loud. my husband summed it up in one word. whore.

epidemic

a while back my husband and i were in our bedroom sitting on the bed talking about something. the kids were running around doing whatever it is they do. as we were deep in conversation we suddenly noticed that will is standing at the window. it's not that he is just standing at the window. it's the fact that he had his tongue out. and smearing up the window. drawing with his tongue if you will. my husband and i looked at each other. and he says, 'edwardsburg. it's like a virus.'

top ten

top ten reasons why caillou makes my ears bleed and i want to hit him in the face with a shovel:

10. his sister's name. rosey. or maybe it's just all of the annoying voices saying her name.
9. his name. because it's just stupid.
8. leo wears waders to preschool.
7. the preschool teacher's high-waisted red overalls she wears. every. day.
6. his grandmother's drunk narration.
5. his voice.
4. his laugh.
3. everyone else's voice.
2. everyone else's laugh.

and the number one reason:
1. his big, bald four year old head.

another open letter

dear roundabout inventor:

no one likes your invention. and furthermore, no one even knows how to use your invention. it does not allow traffic to flow at a more smoother, faster pace. it does just the opposite. because no one knows how the hell to use it. it sucks.

thanks

seriously

i went to wal-marts this week on saturday night. instead of my usual sunday morning. and i wish i had the balls to get out my camera and take a photo of the lane next to me while checking out. as i was placing my items on the belt i looked over to see a dad with his two daughters. about eight and six years old. no big deal. however, they had one bag and a twelve pack of beer. miller lite to be exact. and the dad let the six year old carry out the twelve pack. classy.

driving miss crazy, part deux

i think you all remember my friend moho from high school. the one that tried to kill me three times. yeah, that one. well, we decided to get together this summer with a couple of other friends from back in the day. moho was going to drive to my house. we were then going to drive. strike that. i was then going to drive us down to indy to stay at shel's house. and meet the elusive brown at shel's house as she was coming from cinci. i refer to her only as brown as she is still under the i-don't-want-you-to-find-me-from-high-school protection program. but moho and i found her. we did some stalking. i paid $2.90 to find her. and moho sent the letter. she can run. but we will find her. so moho is driving here from over by detroit. we decide that she will set her gps to lunker's address and i would give her directions from there to my house. it should take her about three hours. she calls me just about the time she is supposed arrive and asks me if i know where this certain road is that she is on. i said no. i asked her to describe where she is at and if she went over railroad tracks. she said there were no railroad tracks. at all. about ten minutes into the conversation she tells me she just passed the schools. and she was coming east. she thought. in order to drive that far past where she was to turn she had to go over railroad tracks. so, i get her back towards our house. i told her after the turn at taco bell to drive about a mile and a half and turn at the street right after the church parking lot. she is driving and driving. finally, she asks about redfield road. what? redfield road is about three miles from taco bell. she turns around and then finds the house. finally. i felt bad until i find out what actually happened. apparently, she got to where she thought lunker's was located and turned the gps off. but the funny thing was she never drove past lunker's. doesn't even remember seeing it. and on the way out of town she pointed to the road that she came out on 12 at and it was no where near where she needed to be. and then i think i heard her mention that she was talking to her mom while driving to my house. and she was probably eating a seven layer burrito from taco bell too. anyway. we get down to indy. we got to stay at shel's new condo. which is the bomb. had frozen custard. went to crate and barrel. and went downtown for a rooftop dinner and duckpin bowling. we had a great time. and looking forward to meeting up again.

pound foolish

for decades my mom has collected antiques. gone to garage sales. stood in lines for estate sales. and even has been known to pick a few things off of the curb. a little something she likes to call curbside discounts. or csd for those in the know. i always thought i wouldn't be caught dead doing any of the above. along with being seen with her wearing her olive colored ski jacket from when she was in high school. and riding the dial-a-ride. i mean i would actually shutter at the meer thought of either scenario. sorry uncle ken. it was just a thing i had back then. well times have changed. so when we learned that there was a garage sale the entire length of us 12 the second weekend in august we were on it. plus, it was eggplant season and we couldn't wait to sink our teeth into one those after a long year's wait. after weeks of anticipation the day finally arrives. it's raining. and it's freezing. but we are dedicated. as we travelled west towards new buffalo i wasn't so sure if we were on the right us 12. i mean, there were some sales but nothing that we had invisioned. buzz kill. we did get to the turkeybone factory in three oaks. stopped at a few farmer's markets. and visited this antique store. which was interesting. the guy had really cool stuff. and his favorite number was eight. because all if his prices started with eight. or had an eight or two. or three. or four in them. since the area is rural we thought after we filled the van with all of our garage sale purchases we would find a nice vegetable stand. with an eggplant. well, we were 0 for 6,936 in that department. we did spot one stand with two eggplants. the size of your fist. and my mom refused to pay the asking price of one dollar for them. little did we know. we did find some things. at a sale. that was in edwardsburg. oh well. it's all about the journey. back to the eggplant. now it's sunday and we still can't find a stand with eggplant. finally we see a sign. it's our last hope. we pull into the drive and out comes this guy. my mom walks up. talks to the guy. and heads back to the car with this look on her face. probably the same look i have on my face when i pull into the wal-marts parking lot. she gets in the car. she asked the guy if he had any eggplants. and the guy looks at her and tells her, 'no. we don't have any of the plants.' so, my mom explains that we don't want the plant. we want an eggplant. you know, the part you eat. huh? we think he must have thought eggs grow on plants. and don't even bother asking. it was in indiana. so, after passing up two eggplants for one dollar we spent $45.82 on gas trying to find a cheaper eggplant. well, i found one. at the grocery store. for $2.61. and it was damn good.

quote of the day

me: 'do you inspect the roof on a new house after it is installed?'

home inspector for ontwa township: 'well, i look at it from the ground.'

upon hearing this story my sister asked if i in fact only lived ten miles south of common sense.

on a side note

it's snowing. yes, october fifteenth.

check please

earlier this summer we had something strange happen. shocker. i went downstairs to get something and i moved a box. as i moved the box water came out of it. since i usually don't keep water in boxes downstairs or anywhere else for that matter i was alarmed. due to the location of the box we came to one conclusion. since it was directly under the radon pipe that comes out of the basement floor that vents through the roof it had to be leaking. somehow. we then ventured outside to discover that the vent cap thingy didn't even have any shingles over it. and then even more disturbing is that no two vent pipes were installed the same. there are three. yesterday i had roof guy come over to take a look. we also still have a leak around our service door to the third stall that was added on after we moved in. you know, the one that took four months. instead of four weeks. yeah, that one. in his opinion the water from the roof is coming down the wall because a j channel was not installed properly. imagine that. the fixes are minimal charges. however, if the leaking doesn't stop around the service door we may have to come up with some trickery. you see the roof guy has never seen such a roof line before on a house. like there is really no way to divert the water with gutters. yay me. oh, but wait. there's more. when he was up on the roof checking out the vents he noticed something he as never seen before. defective shingles. and the defective shingles are not installed properly. he suggested i get another roof guy out here to get a second opinion. he said if i told him a ten year old put our roof on he would believe me. he is digging into the defective shingle aspect. because it's illegal. as for the installation, well, it doesn't surprise me. his estimate is that the roof would last five years out of the thirty years it was supposed to last. i will be on the phone today trying to see what my rights are and if i can nail our builder even though he is out of business. once i find out exactly what is going on i feel it necessary to contact the other two houses in our neighborhood that had this jackass build their homes. i don't even want to think about what else is next. you know there is going to be something.

the rest of the story

so, plumber gets here yesterday mid-morning. goes downstairs to check things out. comes back upstairs. the cap on top of the holding tank of the iron filter wasn't screwed tight. it had been leaking ever since he installed it. before he left after the initial installation i caught a leak on a pipe he installed. too bad i didn't see this too. i mean after all that's why i paid someone else to install it. apparently, the 747 sounds from downstairs in the wee morning hours when the filter was regenerating was caused by the excess air it was taking in from the cap not being on tight. before he left yesterday the plumber reset the computer to regenerate at noon. instead of 2 am. it was noticeably more quite than the previous early wake up call. perhaps if he would have ran the system before he left the first time we wouldn't have been in this mess. i'm just saying.

troubled waters

when we moved to ten miles south of common sense we knew they had bad water. a softener would be required. no big deal. but we didn't know we would have a system that would eventually look as if the entire village got it's water supply from 69791 roy drive. so, a few months ago i started to notice a few iron spots on our clothes. then the water started to smell. we had a new fandangled anode rod put in the water heater as they sometimes react with certain kinds of water and produce a rotten egg smell. although the water heater was free. this particular removal was not. we then bleached the system. and all was well with the world. until a strong smell of metal was coming from our water. so, out came the plumber a few weeks later. to remove the new anode rod we just paid him to install a few short weeks earlier. we continued to have water that smelled. we continued to get iron spots on our clothes. we continued to try every product on the market to prevent the iron stains. nothing worked. and i continued to be frustrated by the fact i can't even do laundry without having an issue. it's laundry. it shouldn't be that difficult. oh yeah. and during all of this i asked our plumber about a whole house filter. a few people in our neighborhood have one and it seems to filter out the iron. as he was taking out the anode rod he noticed that we already have a whole house filter. well, wouldn't that have been nice to know. you know, so we could have changed the filter. i need not tell you that after a year and a half that the filter that was in there it looked somewhat like an artifact. from the titanic. hoping that would do the trick we installed a new filter. but that didn't work. of course. so, we get an iron filter installed. and this should be a separate entry in itself. i was torn between culligan and our plumber. i have had several issues with culligan. but our plumber was 40 dollars more in price. not a huge difference. after culligan did not return my phone calls and several other oddities i decided to go with our plumber. the minute he came to the door i felt i made the wrong decision. after they got the unit downstairs the plumber made the comment about not having the right parts. but he thought he could make something work. that statement left me warm and fuzzy. three and a half hours later and 1,833 trips up and down the stairs out to his van it was installed. when i went downstairs with him to check it out he couldn't tell me much about the system. impressive. but i did notice a leak. coming from the supply line into the holding tank. 1,834 trips later he left. which leads to this morning at 2:11 am. i was awoken by the most god awful sound. it was coming from underneath our bathroom. in the basement. hellfire. i quickly made it downstairs expecting to find a basement full of water. well, the entire basement was not full of water. but the iron filter was regenerating. and there was water seeping out of the holding tank. long enough to have a wet floor. and saturated studs of the wall behind it. now my husband is up. i got a fan out. the system is still regenerating. it is so loud you need hearing protection. did i mention it was 2:11 am? now, i am up. my husband is up. my daughter is up. and my son is up. thankfully, everyone fell back asleep. accept for me. and eight o'clock cannot get here fast enough. i will try and be gentle with the poor person that answers the phone at the plumber.

fitting

as we were welcomed again by northern indiana to another episode of you can't get there from here we happened upon nappanee. now this was after we had researched a particular pumpkin farm. not in nappanee. drove there. and found nothing but a long line. there were no signs for the pumpkin patch. there were no signs for the sunflower field. there were no signs for the hay bale maze. and there was really no one to ask. all we did find was a line about a mile and a half long waiting for the tractor ride. and what was even more curious is that the capacity of the tractor they were using was about nine. hence the line. as we made our way back to the car we noticed another tractor. with a huge trailer on the back. complete with plastic benches. you know, to sit on. but it's saturday. in october. at noon. so let's just keep that one parked. as we get back to the car after a record breaking six minutes out of the car will is insisting to go to a park. like a dripping faucet. i have no idea where he gets that from but it is on our last nerve. a breakdown ensues. and we pull over. in hopes to find another pumpkin patch. with a park. we end up in nappanee. what a cute little town. embrace the pace. that is their slogan. although one cannot possibly embrace the pace when you have a screaming, kicking, whining two year old that will not stop talking about an effing park. finally we arrive at amish acres. as we get back to the car after a record breaking six minutes. well, you get the point. i have never been so relieved to see a mcdonald's in my whole entire life. and they had a park.

posted

yesterday we were in nappanee. story to follow later. and you know there is one. this must be the high rent district. at our wal-marts all they get is a light post. the cvs photo also left me wondering if the amish use the drive-thru. and who picks up that crap.

this is my husband

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs

props to la nell for sending this one.

leave me alone

a few months ago my husband had to enforce layoffs at his plant. no big surprise. until yesterday. when an employee called. that was on layoff. his brother died. and the employee wanted to know if he could get funeral leave pay. while on layoff. i wish my husband could get stupid pay. while this guy is stupid.

lost and found

my husband and i spent quite some time this past weekend organizing our closet. we had installed this bank of eight drawers a few months ago and had just gotten around to filling them up. i own one and a half of the eight drawers. but we won't go there. as you can see from the top there is one drawer for his white socks, one for his dress socks, one for his hats, one for boxers, one for white undershirts and the last one of his houses his t-shirts. this photo was taken just one day after our reorganization. one day. in the fifth drawer down, which holds his white undershirts, there is a hat. at least he put it away.

you be the judge

i am aware that some of you think it can't possibly be as bad as i make it out to be here in ten miles south of common sense. until yesterday. and now we will all be on the same page. my husband came home from work yesterday. and told a story that left even me amazed. you see, there is an employee at my husband's facility that runs a machine. this particular machine uses a computer to send it's programs to the machine to make cuts on the steel. the computer is hard wired to another computer in the engineering department. but the actual machine gets a wireless signal from the computer in the shop sending programs to the machine. yesterday said employee called attention to the fact none of the programs were loading into his machine. my husband went out to investigate. the said employee explained to him that his programs were not showing up on his machine. and he needed engineering to reload the programs. my husband assured said employee that the programs had been sent. the said employee then offered a suggestion as to why the programs were not loading on his machine. i hope you are ready. he suggested there may be a kink in the wire. my husband kind of stood there for a moment. to make sure he comprehended what he had just heard. to take in the dumbness if you will. so, my husband played along and asked if he meant like a hose. the said employee then replied with a more than proud of himself yes. my husband then reset the machine. like the said employee is supposed to do when a new program is sent. and told the said employee that is was fixed. as if he just walked over and unkinked the wire...

another one

i don't tweet. and i don't think i ever will. besides, i can't even figure out how to open an account on the thing. i saw this link posted by someone on facebook the other day. and it is the funniest thing i have ever read. ever. well, besides my blog, of course. i will warn you it drops a lot of eff bombs and other obscenities so you are warned. it is updated periodically so i check it often. and laugh. right. out. loud. enjoy if you choose.

http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays

an open letter

dear new-next-door-neighbor-one-hundred-twenty-four-pound-rottweiler-that-her-owner-says-wouldn't-hurt-anyone-that-doesn't-have-a-tie-out-or-fence-or-invisible-fence-that-could-easily-attack-me-or-one-of-my-children-in-a-heartbeat-that-wanders-all-over-barking-at-people-not-in-her-yard-unsupervised-and-scares-the-hell-out-of-me:

stop shitting in our yard.

thanks

on the road. again. and again.

so, we just got back a couple of weeks ago from ohio. we had a great visit with my husband's aunt and uncle. it was the first time we had taken the kids on an overnight trip that wasn't to gran and grumpa's house. they did very well. so well we decided to take them on another trip. to mr. wilson's reel suite. this is how the trip started. we get driving down the road. for about a minute. will wants a video. since it's about a three hour trip he knows he is allowed to watch one. or fifty. when we take long trips i make my husband ride. he has longer arms. and he doesn't get carsick. you know, for when the kids drop stuff. 6,492 times. on the 6,493rd time my husband catches on and decides they are doing it on purpose. anyway, will decides he wants to watch thomas. shocker. so, my husband gets out thomas. and here is the conversation that took place (i need not remind you that will is 2 1/2 and my husband is well, old enough to know better):

will: i wanna watch thomas.

husband: you wanna watch thomas?

will: yesssss.

husband: ok. (pulling out a dvd)

will: i don't like the tank engine. (we have two dvds of thomas and he only likes one)

husband: you said you wanted thomas.

will: i don't like the tank engine.

husband: you said you wanted thomas. (continuing to put in the dvd that he said he didn't want to watch)

note: for some reason the thomas dvds are not easy to get to the actual story. you have to keep selecting from a menu that leads to another menu and well you get the picture. and it doesn't make it any easier in the car.

will: (almost in tears, kicking his feet and saying it louder) i don't like the tank engine.

husband: (tension mounting after twelve minutes of pushing select and finally getting to the actual story) there.

another note: i am patiently saying nothing trying not to over parent my husband's decision to put the dvd in that our child has repeatedly told him he didn't want to watch.

will: (yelling) i do not like the tank engine!

husband: what are you an effing film critic? (except he didn't say effing. he said fucking.)

husband: (ejecting the dvd hastily) fine. you want the other one?

will: yes, please.

me: he told you he didn't want to watch the tank engine before you even put it in.

Needless to say, we came home a day earlier than scheduled.

i'd like you to meet our neighbors. all of them.

http://thereifixedit.com/

pretty in pink

everyone that knows me knows i was pretty insistent on not having children. but if i was going to have them they would be boys. well, obviously that just wasn't true. in either case. everyone that knows me also knows that my least favorite color in the whole entire universe is pink. and the child that could not possibly be a girl looks outstanding in that color they call pink. and as if that wasn't bad enough along came yesterday. i about died. while outside, will jumped on his big wheel and off he went around and around all by himself. not the diva. which is par for the course. she gets chauffeured around in her car that has a pole on the back. just for me. you know, so she doesn't have to do any physical labor. well, while i was driving miss sophie up pops her hand. and she starts waving. with a cupped hand. instinctively. like she's miss ten miles south of common sense. in a freaking parade. there is hope however. her gran keeps bringing her baby dolls and she won't touch them. that a girl, sophie, that a girl.

here's your sign

this is a sign in front of a house in hesperia, or hysteria as my dad likes to call it. it's on the way to mr. wilson's cottage on mclaren lake. after i posted it i did notice that van is up on blocks. no wonder i feel right at home when i'm up there.