happy two years old

what he said

my dad and i met my husband for lunch yesterday. before my husband got there we were discussing the basement project. and this was part of the conversation:

dad: i was watching hiy the other day.

me: dad, it's diy. or hgtv.

dad: well, whatever. it doesn't matter. i couldn't hear it anyway.

initial response

back in college when i went to ferris state university we were still on quarters. i loved quarters. if you hated a class, which most of them i did, you were done in a few weeks. not fifteen. like when i went to central michigan university. and hated every class i took there even more. anyway, as the first quarter came to a close it was time to register for the next round of classes. being all cool and having one quarter under my belt i perused through the class offerings. and knowing now what i didn't know then i actually looked at the campus map. to make sure i didn't have to beat it from the west building to the business building. in ten minutes. i had everything figured out except for one class. it was to be held in the tba building. well, i had never heard anyone speak of the tba building. wondering where this building was i turned to a campus map. i couldn't find it. i couldn't locate it. it wasn't called out on any legend. out of pure desperation i asked my roommate. she had no idea either. we searched and searched. we had no idea why they would schedule a class in a building that no one knew where it was located. not until our suite mate came in. and told us the tba building was to. be. announced. they should have had a class for that.

a not so fun fact

did you know that one brand new double roll of toilet paper unraveled can fill one third of a standard sized crib? well, now you do.

kneed help

i can't believe i am posting this. i should be on an episode of hoarders instead. i shop the clearance aisles. i buy stuff way ahead of time. for birthdays. christmas. will's sixteenth birthday. whenever. or just because it's on sale. and i can't pass it up. however, it is well organized. and until this weekend was food free. i was gathering the kids' easter presents up. since i will be going out of town soon. and wanted to get it ready. i reached in a bag to retrieve some goodies and there in the bag was this. a busted open container of crescent rolls. must have been in the bag with my bargains. and missed the fridge. can't say i have ever had that happen. until now.

an open letter

dear dog the bounty hunter's wife:

would it hurt to buy just one size bigger. i mean really.

thanks

peas out

we got a catalog the other day. from gurney's seed and nursery. sophie decided she wanted some peas. off of the front cover. funny. she doesn't seem to eat them off of her plate.

sucker punch

will was in playing with his train. on his bed. it makes the best for a track these days. he has been sucking his thumb during the day lately. i am not too excited about this. as he was pushing his train around the track we had this conversation:

me: why are you sucking your thumb?

will: because it tastes good.

me: well, only little boys suck their thumbs. and you're a big boy now, right?

will: weeeeeeeell, edward [an engine from thomas the train. that does not have arms. and never did.] used to suck his thumb. [pause] when he was little. [pause] and had arms.

zinger

last night my husband was on one couch. i was on the other. the kids were both in bed.

my husband: i'm horny.

me: you'll get over it.

he loves me, he loves me not

the other night my husband came home after work. he was giving will a ride on his shoulders. they stopped in front of me.

will: i love you, momma.

me: oh, i love you too, buddy.

will: but not every day.

what he said

this is a conversation i had with my dad. in the basement. when he was here last week.

dad [after telling him our surround sound wasn't working upstairs. and we needed to figure out what was wrong with it]: how the hell does around sound break?

me: it's surround sound, dad.

dad: i bought around sound once. your mother didn't like it.

do over

i don't even remember what day this even happened. all i know is that it was the worst pain i have felt. ever. even if i was in labor and had a kidney stone. at the same time. i would know. i have had both. but never together. i think it was a week ago. or so. i had a pain in my abdomen. one like i have never felt before. and it kept getting worse. to the point i couldn't stand it. and i have a high threshold for pain. my abdomen was so full. of what i didn't know. and there was a sharp pain on my lower left side. that didn't go away. i couldn't even bend over. or even think about bending over. so, i went to my doctor the next day. she was uncertain. she sent me to the hospital for an x-ray. and i am not sure if it was because every step i took i wanted to die. or every time i got in and out of the car i wanted it to run me over. but it must have been pick a technician off the street day at the hospital. the blood technician had someone in the room with her. to make sure she was doing it right. i wasn't in the mood. the guy that came to take me in for the x-ray must have had a stroke. and he was the one that knew more than the guy preparing me for the x-ray itself. i wasn't in the mood. the last time i felt anywhere near this was when i had a compacted colon after sophie was born. the x-ray came back clean. my doctor thought i may have a cyst on my ovary. funny. my sister just had one a few months ago. but my doctor wasn't sure. so, she wanted me to wait until thursday to come back in if i was still in pain. it was tuesday. if i was still in that much pain by thursday i would have jammed a screwdriver in my abdomen. but later in the day wednesday the pain was slowly dissipating and eventually came to a dull roar by thursday afternoon. and then just went away. so let's try this again. see you tomorrow.

emergency will robinson

so. the carpenter is back. and ron white is in town. this is not a good combination. but we got tickets anyway. glad we did. my cheeks hurt. from laughing. long enough to take my mind off of this conversation:

dad [minutes before we left for the show. i should remind you this is the first time my dad has watched the kids for an extended period of time. by himself. having to put them to bed. and change their diapers before bed. which i forgot to remind him to do]: 'you're gonna have to give me the address to the hospital. or something. in case somebody gets hurt.'

me [with a blank stare]: uh, 911.

side note: number one - what the hell. number two - there is no way he could find the hospital. even if i did give him the address. number three - there is no way in hell he could drive fast enough to get there before we even got home from the show. and lastly - he has no clue on how to get either one of those kids in a carseat.

but the kids were just fine. diapers were changed. catastrophe diverted.

an open letter

dear backyard neighbor:

yes, you. in case you haven't noticed. it's the fourth of february. christmas is over. two months ago over. so take down your effing christmas lights already. you know, those blinking lights. on your deck railing. that you put up last october. that are still on. yeah. those.

thanks

here's your sign

i think this speaks for itself.

what he said

it is the second of february. the ground hog comes out of his hole. and sees his shadow. it's the shadow of my right front tire. that means winter will last six more weeks. but not for him.

thank you to the red green show. i miss you.

fill it to the rim

with brim. this was taken at home depot. over the weekend. i could not believe my eyes. there is so much crap in the backseat of this truck the passenger side seat back is pushed forward. there is no way the passenger side door is ever opened. i bet there is chewed off fingernails on the floor too.