and i am thankful. i had forgotten about this one. until yesterday. when my trusted kitchen aid hand can opener reminded me that it can't seem to open a can any longer. for whatever reason. and no amount of cussing seems to help. you see, back when my mom and dad got married over forty years ago they received a can opener for a wedding gift. they still have it. you may have one of these gems in your family. it is pictured above. i hate this effing thing. i can't seem to use it. not once in my thirty-seven years. and swearing at it doesn't seem to help it either. my dad definitely can't use it. my sister can't use it. my mom is the only one in our immediate family, maybe on the face of the planet, that seems to know how to operate it. i would have thrown the thing out decades ago. it's a delicate balance of holding the can just right. pushing the handle down and releasing just at the right moment. all i get is a can that won't stay clamped and that annoying whirring sound. as if i need a reminder that the effing can i want to open is not in fact opening. the sound of failure. once again. and this can opener may be the very reason campbell's soup decided to put pull tab on their cans. any time anyone of us needs to have a can opened we don't even try. we call my mom away from whatever she is doing at the moment. so she can do it. i kind of hope every time it happens it will weaken her a little more to breakdown and buy a new opener. but it hasn't worked yet. the top photo is what happens when my mom and i are at garage sales and my husband has to open a can of fruit for the kids. with a screwdriver. and a hammer. i probably would have tried to open it with a little more pressure. like under my car tire. i have no doubt in my mind that my mother will live to be one hundred and forty-seven years old. and she will still have this effing can opener. and if i do happen to out live her i know for certain she will leave this effing can opener to me. and she will have the last laugh.
ok. i, myself, am lmao!
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