hit parade

a day to remember. how will i ever forget? this morning we decided to take the kids to the memorial day parade. uptown. they don't have a downtown in ten miles south of common sense. just an uptown. don't ask. i didn't. the parade was to start at eleven. in the morning. and i know they take awhile to reach you. especially if you are unknowingly at the end of the route. we waited. and waited. and while we were waiting we had a chance to see some of the cream of the crop. i should say witness some of the cream of the crop. the home grown cream of the crop if you will. forget the fire trucks and ambulances. we had a show right in front of us. first there was the bull mastiff. he was fully intact. and proud of it. we heard, 'is that one of them mastiffs?' at least one hundred times. and one guy had to yell to his wife that had walked ahead of him, 'and i guess he is a happy guy too. look!' yeah, buddy. we are all aware of his pink crayon. thanks for pointing that out. and then there was ink lady. otherwise a really cute girl. minus the bar stud in her upper ear. the tongue stud. and god only knows what other piercings we thankfully couldn't see. until she dropped her pants. yes, ladies and gentlemen. ink lady walked over to a friend and they met right in front of us. she proceeds to tell him she is limping because she had just gotten some new ink laid down. and she had those rip away pants on. you know the kind that if you pull on them the snaps come apart. well, she pulled a little too hard and they all came unsnapped. exposing her new ink from the top of her hip all the way down to her knee. and like you had to ask. yes. a thong. and you thought my kids were looking at the clowns. nope. all that even before we set eyes on one float. so, the ceremony finally starts. at twenty to twelve. and it would have been a really nice ceremony if they hadn't chosen boomhauer from king of the hill to mc the thing. we didn't know what was going on. except the uptown business association needs to invest in a longer flag pole. i think the band got out about three notes of the star spangled banner and the flags had already made it to their final destination. at the end of the parade my husband and i turned to each other. and i knew we were both thinking the same thing. our kids aren't even going to have a chance.