man overboard

i have dealt with snoring ever since i can remember. my dad could blow the roof off of the house on any given night when i was growing up. it was the worst when we went on vacation. we would all just have to suffer in one little room. and you didn't get a break on the exhale either. it wasn't until many years later he was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now sleeps quietly with a machine. now that i no longer have to listen to him. so, i was excited to learn that my husband snored. and loudly. not only does he snore but he sleep wanks too. after he gets a good buzz going he rubs his legs together much like that of a cricket. it shakes the entire bed. now last i knew gone were the days of putting a quarter in the bed at a hotel. although mine is free i have to say i would rather not have this amenity either. not only can i not sleep through his snoring i now get sea sick. in my own bed. lucky me. a few months back he went in for surgery. he had his tonsils removed. his deviated septum straightened. which he didn't even know wasn't straight. and removal of some of the hangy down thing that sounds like a girl part. he can breath much better now even though he didn't know he wasn't before. he is now experiencing dreams again which he said he hasn't had in forever. probably right up until the time we got married. he still snores. he still sleep wanks. and as i am lying there wide awake wondering if i should jump ship to another room he proceeds to make matters worse by rolling over and breathing toxic breath in my face. even after surgery i am still sleeping on the couch. a few nights a week i make it through without getting woken up but most nights i am huffing it to the couch hoping i don't slam the door too hard and wake him up. i think he still has apnea. it doesn't matter what position he is sleeping in or how hard i hit him i can't get him to stop. maybe i should try ear muffins.